The boys lifted him again, and again he fell.īrian couldn't walk, his big foot wouldn't work, so the boys, huffing and puffing, dragged him backwards, over the edge of the world and down a steep hill.

They put their arms through his on either side and lifted him, trying to balance him on his feet, but he toppled to one side, grabbing at the frozen earth, struggling to keep his face near the light at least. He saw the boys' shoes and felt sudden relief that he was not alone.

A surge of panic gripped his chest as he used his good foot and both hands to drag himself back into the smudge of light from the van. He heard wind and moving things, running things coming towards him, creeping things. It was darker than he had ever seen, black like gravy, like smoke from toast, like bitter medicine for a cold. He fell over onto his shoulder and into the dark, outside the yellow fan of light at the door. Inside his Welly boot his foot was big, the rough cloth lining pressing against his skin.

He tried to stand up but his ankle wouldn't work. The door opened and James pushed Brian into the black void, toppling him over so he tumbled out and down, landing on his side. There were no houses outside, just dark and mud. She was with him, always around a corner, in another room. She tucked him into bed and left the hall light on and the door open and came to look at him throughout the night so he wouldn't ever be alone. With them out of his thoughts he could remember her hands washing him, scooping soothing warm water that smelled of softness over him, picking him up to carry him, even though he was bigger, feeding him with bread dipped in hot mince gravy, with chips, with sweets from the ice-cream van. Certain he was going to sob and be hit, he covered his face with his spread-out hands and held his breath until his ears popped. He didn't know what it meant, but the sounds were jaggy. The boys got excited, saying 'cunt baby' over and over. 'Aye,' said Callum, showing his teeth, his eyes shiny. Tears raced down his cheeks, but he breathed in, managing to keep quiet. It was only when he thought about her that he cried just when he remembered not being here, then he cried. Brian thought about his tummy insides hurting and his sore foot, but he didn't cry.

Callum, the boy on his other side, laughed at him. Surprised at the sharpness of the pain, Brian squealed and his mouth fell open. James, the boy sitting by his side, slapped him hard on the ear. He thought of Her, the softness of her breast, her fingers with the rings, how the world was warmer when she was there, and he struggled for breath, his bottom lip bumping noisily against his teeth. They had been traveling for a long time, and in Brian's mind every inch of every step took him away from his mother, and She was all he wanted in the world. They were still traveling, into the dark.

Field of Blood by Denise Mina